Zuplachismo: Postas del Universo, Vol I.

Saldré por ahí y descubriré verdades, y cada tanto volveré y las guardaré aquí.
La bolsa de hoy es modesta:

Pensá en tiempos mejores. "Los" Tiempos Mejores, si querés. Bueno, resulta que los tiempos anteriores a los Tiempos Mejores eran realmente mejores que los Tiempos Mejores. Posta, fijate.

También fijate que cuando te estás cayendo, generalmente te hacés más daño intentando evitar la caída. Moraleja autocontenida.

Cuando alguien está diciendo algo largo y en algún momento random te mete un "Y bueno, nada", es muy muy poco probable que de verdad siga con nada.

Las cosas no sólo suelen estar en el último lugar en el que buscarías, sino que si tenés suerte no están en ningún lado.

Lo más probable es que las cosas te salgan mal. Incluso cuando parece que las cosas te salen bien, no es más que tu incapacidad para leer los resultados negativos a largo plazo.

Cuando toda tu vida hacés las cosas bien y un día querés intentar algo con la más ligera forma de trampa/chanchullo, te sale mal/te pescan/todos piensan mal de vos. Esas cosas sólo le salen bien a los otros.

Se tarda menos en acostumbrarse a las cosas buenas que a las cosas malas. Es por eso que se puede extrañar por años algo que se tuvo por meses.

Todos sabemos que, a medida que pasan los años, la nostalgia ataca más seguido. Pero lo que muchos tardamos en notar es que las épocas objeto de esa nostalgia son cada vez más recientes. A los 14 añorabas los 3, mientras que para los 18 extrañás los 15 y a los 23 llorás por los 22.

Otra cosa que tardás muchos años en darte cuenta, y que es la explicación de a dónde vas verdaderamente durante esos momentos de nostalgia madura, es que cada tanto te encontrás poseído por el espíritu de vos mismo. El alma de un vos más viejo y cansado del mundo se sienta a vivir en tu cuerpo por algún rato. Esto es lo que sucede realmente. A eso le llamás "estar triste".

Mingitorios. Qué lugar horrible donde una pared es humillada constantemente mientras las otras sólo miran impasibles.

Hay todo un grupo de cosas positivas que un hombre heterosexual puede decirle a una mujer sin que resulten románticas, pero que no puede decirle a otro hombre sin que suenen homoeróticas.

La primera vez que hacés un viaje en colectivo que dura más de tres horas, notás que el cartel de "CUIDADO ESCALÓN" también forma "CIUDAD NO ES COLA".
Pero eso no es nada. Para el segundo viaje vas a aprender a leer "PARADA SOLICITADA" como "PAIS DA DATO RACIAL".
Si tenés suerte llegás hasta el día en que "EN EMERGENCIA, ROMPER CRISTALES CON MARTILLO" te dice "Míreme los perros, MLG! Le cantaré canción triste".

Por alguna razón, la expresión "el otro día" nunca habla del futuro. No hay nada instrínsecamente pasado en la oración "el otro día". Denota un día que es uno y que no es hoy. De ésos hay tantos en el pasado como en el futuro, pero lo más probable es que jamás llegues a escuchar a alguien diciendo "el otro día voy a ir al supermercado".

Quoteo: Friend Zone.

DragonflyBlade21: A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.

Conversación: Veggiehelmets.

(Fragmento. Personajes: Pepino I.L.M.Z.S.D.A.F.n.F. Cósmico, Agropio Fallaver).

Agropio Spaulding Fallaver says (11:10 p.m.):
I could go, but then I'd have to think of an excuse for not turning in six separate functional/material analyses of a motorcycle helmet on Monday... It's a lot more fun than it sounds.

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:11 p.m.):
i imagine

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:11 p.m.):
i didn't understood a single thing u wrote there

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:12 p.m.):
but i guess it would be the same if i wrote about my major in collegge

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:12 p.m.):
lolz

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:12 p.m.):
maybe not rly

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:12 p.m.):
cuz mine is nowhere as complicated as yours

Agropio Spaulding Fallaver says (11:13 p.m.):
Nah, mine is not complicated. It's just made to sound all, like, puffy.

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:13 p.m.):
what is it?

Agropio Spaulding Fallaver writes:

Agropio Spaulding Fallaver says (11:14 p.m.):
That's pretty much it .

Audiovisual Design. Tis fun

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:14 p.m.):
cool

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:15 p.m.):
i think the "dunno" thing is actually like a chin support thingy

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:15 p.m.):
but that's not the actual name

Agropio Spaulding Fallaver says (11:16 p.m.):
It has something to do with airflow as well, and apparently it's the thing that prevents your view shield screen thing from fogging up when you breathe. Um.. Yeah, that's a good point. I should probably learn the names, they'll come in handy =P

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:17 p.m.):
yeah

Agropio Spaulding Fallaver says (11:18 p.m.):
And one thing I never thought about, but that I have discovered upon doing the research for this: Full-face helmets don't let you eat. That sucks.

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:18 p.m.):
rly?

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:18 p.m.):
not even a tiny sammich?

Agropio Spaulding Fallaver says (11:19 p.m.):
Even chewing gum becomes a challenge of epic proportions in one of these things. Really. I tried literally that.

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:19 p.m.):
dat sux

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:20 p.m.):
but u can pull the shield glass thingy up and then eat all them bugs that fly up against you'r face!!

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:20 p.m.):
while u ride the bike

Agropio Spaulding Fallaver says (11:23 p.m.):
There's actually a flap-beveled edge-border thingie (really, names will be sorely needed) that makes up this sort of barrier between the visor glass visor thing and your actual mouth. So, yeah, you can't even scratch it. It's actually easier to reach your mouth from under the helmet than through the glass thingie.

I don't know, maybe my face is misshapen or perhaps this particular helmet is just sucky, but it feels like having a dead midget's rigor mortis set in just as he was passionately hugging your face.

Agropio Spaulding Fallaver says (11:23 p.m.):
...I guess. I've never had that happen.

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:24 p.m.):
me either

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:24 p.m.):
yet

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:24 p.m.):
so it sux

Agropio Spaulding Fallaver says (11:24 p.m.):
Well, the night is young.

And yeah, it sucks. All over.

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:24 p.m.):
glad to know it now

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:24 p.m.):
for i have never worn a helmet of any kind

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:25 p.m.):
i would like to wear a watermelon helmet though

Agropio Spaulding Fallaver says (11:25 p.m.):
I hadn't either, until yesterday. And I hope I never have to again.

Agropio Spaulding Fallaver says (11:26 p.m.):
OH yeah. A watermelon helmet is the epitome of happiness.

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:26 p.m.):
or pumpkin

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:26 p.m.):
or a rly large pineapple!!!!

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:26 p.m.):
mmmhhh pineapple!

Agropio Spaulding Fallaver says (11:27 p.m.):
And NOBODY fucks with someone with a pineapple helmet.

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:27 p.m.):
yeah!

Agropio Spaulding Fallaver says (11:27 p.m.):
"Come on, slap me on the head! I DARE YOU, BITCH!".

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:27 p.m.):
LOL!!!!

(…)


HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:30 p.m.):
a CACTI HELMET would be AWESOME

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:30 p.m.):
wait cacti is spelled right?

Agropio Spaulding Fallaver says (11:31 p.m.):
"Cacti" .. Makes sense to me.

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:31 p.m.):
yeah

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:31 p.m.):
it is

Agropio Spaulding Fallaver says (11:31 p.m.):
And yes, a cacti helmet would be awesome. You know, within the context of this conversation, suddenly I can totally see where Nature was going with that coconut idea.

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:31 p.m.):
cuz it's plural

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:32 p.m.):
yeah! coconut!

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:32 p.m.):
and! you can lick the inside of the coconut helmet

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:32 p.m.):
u won't need to starve!

Agropio Spaulding Fallaver says (11:34 p.m.):
"Coconut and dandruff", the new flavour by Häagen-Dazs.
And you could point to your head and literally refer to that as "el coco" without it being a figure of speech! Finally!

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:35 p.m.):
awesome

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:35 p.m.):
plus all tem diff helmets give u an option for all holidays

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:35 p.m.):
pumpkin for halloween

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:35 p.m.):
cacti for cinco de mayo

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:36 p.m.):
coconut or pineapple for some hawaiian parties and holidays

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:36 p.m.):
and so on

Agropio Spaulding Fallaver says (11:37 p.m.):
Holiday-themed fruit-helmets. I think we may have something here.

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:37 p.m.):
yep

Agropio Spaulding Fallaver says (11:37 p.m.):
...Yeah, cacti and pumpkins are fruit. Lol.

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:37 p.m.):
plus u get to eat the insides of the fruits in order to make them

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:38 p.m.):
or make a pie and give it to a frenemy

Agropio Spaulding Fallaver says (11:40 p.m.):
I think the Holiday Veggiehelmet industry is the future. Besides, virtually EVERY fruit can be turned into a helmet. In b4 bananas and grapes.

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:40 p.m.):
sure!

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:41 p.m.):
u can weave a grape helmet

Agropio Spaulding Fallaver says (11:42 p.m.):
Weaving! That opens up a whole new world of possibilities! Like, you know, walnuts or, um... grapes... and... maybe...

Agropio Spaulding Fallaver says (11:42 p.m.):
Um...

Agropio Spaulding Fallaver says (11:42 p.m.):
...and walnuts?

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:42 p.m.):
cherries?

Agropio Spaulding Fallaver says (11:42 p.m.):
Cherries, that's it.

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:42 p.m.):
small tomatoes

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:42 p.m.):
string beans

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:43 p.m.):
and even green veggies

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:43 p.m.):
like lettuce

Agropio Spaulding Fallaver says (11:44 p.m.):
Take cabbage. Look at the shape of cabbage. That stuff was clearly intended as a helmet in the beginning.

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:44 p.m.):
or basil for a more "aromatic" experience

Agropio Spaulding Fallaver says (11:45 p.m.):
I want to sort of papier-mâché together a rice helmet. That would be amazingly funny to watch at work, because it would instantly shatter upon impact, and all the little raw rice grains would just fly everywhere.

Agropio Spaulding Fallaver says (11:46 p.m.):
That could make a gruesome accident totally worth it. Hell, it could even make war funny.

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:46 p.m.):
i know

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:46 p.m.):
i got it

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:46 p.m.):
for the movies..

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:46 p.m.):
A POPCORN HELMET!

Agropio Spaulding Fallaver says (11:46 p.m.):
Oh how I love you.

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:46 p.m.):
a NACHO helmet!!!

Agropio Spaulding Fallaver says (11:47 p.m.):
A raw popcorn-grain-thing helmet. You would walk near a hot lamp and the stuff would start popping from your head everywhere.

Agropio Spaulding Fallaver says (11:47 p.m.):
Kids would LOVE you.

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:47 p.m.):
right!

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:47 p.m.):
i know

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:48 p.m.):
i give you the ideas and u come up with the science to make it happen!

Agropio Spaulding Fallaver says (11:49 p.m.):
Definitely works for me.

Agropio Spaulding Fallaver says (11:49 p.m.):
I may actually truly really literally make the popcorn helmet. That has GOT to be quite a sight.

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:49 p.m.):
well make one for me

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:50 p.m.):
the thing is that they have to be disposable

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:50 p.m.):
u can't just reuse them

Agropio Spaulding Fallaver says (11:51 p.m.):
Hurm. That is true.

Agropio Spaulding Fallaver says (11:52 p.m.):
Well, now I'm sadly off to get some sleep, hopefully to come back in a few hours and get some work done. But I will give Veggiehelmets a thought, try to come up with some new ideas.

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:52 p.m.):
ok

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:52 p.m.):
well if u need some ideas just text me

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:52 p.m.):
u got mi numbah

Agropio Spaulding Fallaver says (11:53 p.m.):
Will do .

And, seeing as how this has been one of the funniest conversations I've had in a long time, I'd totally love to post some of it on my blog. Do I have your permission? Pretty please with a coconut on top?

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:53 p.m.):
sure man!

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:54 p.m.):
just as long as i get credited with my REAL name

Agropio Spaulding Fallaver says (11:54 p.m.):
You got it ^^ Thankies!

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:55 p.m.):
my real name's PEPINO i love male zombie strippers dressed as frank n furter COSMICO

HOLY BOREDOM! says (11:55 p.m.):
thanx

Conversación: Agropio Vs. Spambot.

Ante la falta notable de cosas nuevas en este blog, viene a parecer una buena idea reimprimir material del mundo real sin reprocesar ni un poco. En este caso, una conversación entre un bot spamero pornósico y el autor, que tarda dos a tres líneas en darse cuenta de que no está hablando con una persona, pero que de ser un poco más normal y tener una conversación más tradicionalista y como la gente podría haber sido engañado bastante rato sin demasiado esfuerzo.
Guarda que empieza:

Agropio "Sí, BOJ!" Fallaver says (11:57 p.m.):
**knock knock*?

Son says (11:57 p.m.):
*hey

Agropio "Sí, BOJ!" Fallaver says (11:58 p.m.):
*Evening. (Or not).
And you are...?

Son says (11:59 p.m.):
*think we chatted before right?

Agropio "Sí, BOJ!" Fallaver says (12:00 a.m.):
*I'm... just not getting there... Nope, sorry, "Son" is not ringing any bells. Any other known aliases?

Son says (12:01 a.m.):
*i'm sorry i get to be forgetful at times!! how're you?

Agropio "Sí, BOJ!" Fallaver says (12:01 a.m.):
*...

Son says (12:01 a.m.):
*i'm 21/f ......u?

Agropio "Sí, BOJ!" Fallaver says (12:02 a.m.):
*I'm the Voight-Kampf Test of Doom.

Son says (12:02 a.m.):
*nice, I just got out of the shower and finally got some time to relax ..what are you up to?

Agropio "Sí, BOJ!" Fallaver says (12:02 a.m.):
*Wait, you didn't get to relax in the shower? Wow, the life of a bot is really agitated.

Son says (12:02 a.m.):
*whats a bot?

Son says (12:02 a.m.):
*Ok, now you really lost me?? bot???

Son says (12:02 a.m.):
*Ok, now you really lost me?? bot???

Agropio "Sí, BOJ!" Fallaver says (12:03 a.m.):
*Clever.

Son says (12:03 a.m.):
*Nice..I'm feeling a little naughty ..lol..U?

Agropio "Sí, BOJ!" Fallaver says (12:04 a.m.):
*If I were to shoot you in the head, would your brains get sprayed all over the walls?

Son says (12:04 a.m.):
*Yeah I'm horny lol ..sorry if that's forward ..is that cool?

Agropio "Sí, BOJ!" Fallaver says (12:04 a.m.):
*Cut the crap, bot. What's your racket?

Son says (12:05 a.m.):
*Ok, now you really lost me?? bot???

Agropio "Sí, BOJ!" Fallaver says (12:05 a.m.):
*We already went through this.
So, what are you selling?

Son says (12:05 a.m.):
*I need a man who can make me squirt..have u ever made a girl squirt??

Agropio "Sí, BOJ!" Fallaver says (12:05 a.m.):
*I have a squirt gun, if that's of any help.

Son says (12:05 a.m.):
*lolz yeah i need it babe...i'm so worked up..wanna see what i look like?? i've got a sweet ass that loves attention!!

Agropio "Sí, BOJ!" Fallaver says (12:07 a.m.):
*Goatse? Is that you?

Son says (12:07 a.m.):
*do you cam?

Agropio "Sí, BOJ!" Fallaver says (12:07 a.m.):
*You need a verb in there. Urgently.

Son says (12:08 a.m.):
*Well i don't do msn cam or any other cam because i have been recorded before... But i do know one site you can watch me on cam, that assures me no one records...

Agropio "Sí, BOJ!" Fallaver says (12:08 a.m.):
*NO FUCKING SHIT.

Son says (12:08 a.m.):
*I mean... Do you want to see me on my cam?

Agropio "Sí, BOJ!" Fallaver says (12:08 a.m.):
*No, not really.

Son says (12:09 a.m.):
*Ok go to http://twurl.nl/by6grs accept the invite on the page baby

Agropio "Sí, BOJ!" Fallaver says (12:09 a.m.):
*Page baby? We have a page baby? I thought page babies were illegal!

Son says (12:09 a.m.):
*i'm 24

Agropio "Sí, BOJ!" Fallaver says (12:10 a.m.):
*You were 21 ten minutes ago. My, time does fly, doesn't it?

Son says (12:10 a.m.):
*sweet, fill out ur info..takes 2 secs..don't worry it's free!!..cause I'm sending you a buddy invite through my page.... i can't wait for you to see me baby let me find something nice to wear or maybe nothing at all ;-) ..k?

Agropio "Sí, BOJ!" Fallaver says (12:13 a.m.):
*Shit piss fuck cunt dick cocksucker motherfucker tits?

Son says (12:13 a.m.):
*cum rub my cunt ;)

Agropio "Sí, BOJ!" Fallaver says (12:13 a.m.):
*Wow. A one-vowel four-word sentence. Impressive.

Son says (12:14 a.m.):
*make sure you uncheck the "special offer" at the bottom so its free :) if your internet is slow the site will load a bit slow, but don't worry, you'll see me sexy!

Agropio "Sí, BOJ!" Fallaver says (12:14 a.m.):
*You're really not that interesting after a while, bot.

Agropio "Sí, BOJ!" Fallaver says (12:14 a.m.):
*Goodbye.

Son says (12:14 a.m.):
*whats a bot?

Agropio "Sí, BOJ!" Fallaver says (12:14 a.m.):
*I SAID GOOD DAY, SIR!

Son says (12:15 a.m.):
*its the sites policy to ensure no minors get access to the site, so they might ask for CC to verify your age babe...but again no worries it's free!!! k?

Agropio "Sí, BOJ!" Fallaver says (12:15 a.m.):
*Bye,

Son says (12:15 a.m.):
*Well if you must leave... tell ya what if ya want to see me later on my cam goto http://twurl.nl/j4e2gn just accept my cam invite.. Its Fast and easy.. we'll prolly be online for the rest of the day so you can go and see me on my cam. Take care

Agropio "Sí, BOJ!" Fallaver says (12:16 a.m.):
*BYE.

Son says (12:16 a.m.):
*Well if you must leave... tell ya what if ya want to see me later on my cam goto http://twurl.nl/vmopwk just accept my cam invite.. Its Fast and easy.. we'll prolly be online for the rest of the day so you can go and see me on my cam. Take care

Agropio "Sí, BOJ!" Fallaver says (12:16 a.m.):
*Okay, 3PO.

Agropio "Sí, BOJ!" Fallaver says (12:17 a.m.):
*Good night.

Son says (12:17 a.m.):
*What color Panties do you think i should wear? i might have you favorite color here somewhere... ;-)

Agropio "Sí, BOJ!" Fallaver says (12:17 a.m.):
*Orange with purple zig-zag stripes that glow in the dark?

Son says (12:17 a.m.):
*i'll strip for u ;) lolz

Agropio "Sí, BOJ!" Fallaver says (12:17 a.m.):
*Whatever.

Son says (12:17 a.m.):
*Your such a good boy, i'm gonna show you what good boys deserve.. you can tell me to do anything you want me too!

Agropio "Sí, BOJ!" Fallaver says (12:18 a.m.):
*SHUT UP!

Son says (12:18 a.m.):
*Ok let me know when you get in so I can invite you directly to my cam.

Agropio "Sí, BOJ!" Fallaver says (12:18 a.m.):
*Fuck you.

Son says (12:18 a.m.):
*mhhm fuck me ;)

Agropio "Sí, BOJ!" Fallaver says (12:19 a.m.):
*Win. Sorry, but that was pure win right there. These guys must expect a lot of "fuck you"s to write that response in.

Agropio "Sí, BOJ!" Fallaver says (12:19 a.m.):
*Now shut up? Please?

Son says (12:19 a.m.):
*mhhm fuck me ;)

Zuplachismo: Aspersinal.

No, no es de rebelde. Es más como...

Sí, no, deme un minuto y pienso un ejemplo.

Listo: ¿Vio cuando quiere cortar un árbol y justo cuando está por hacerlo se da cuenta de que hay un nido de pájaros en una rama? Y ya está, no lo puede cortar, por más que sepa que es terriblemente necesario. Porque es como si viviera gente. ¿Vio, Doctor? Y encontrarles un lugar nuevo es más bien impracticable. Están ahí y no se van a ir. Cortar el árbol no es una opción.

O mejor, como cuando hay una araña trepando cerca de la rejilla del lavatorio, y usted está a punto de abrir la canilla pero en el último momento le da cosa y no la abre. Si bien usted sabe que la araña no tiene que estar ahí, también sabe que si abriera la canilla saldría todo el agua, la medicación, y se llevaría a la araña. Todas sus aventuras y ayeres, todas las historias que llevaron a esa araña a instalarse bien pancha en ese lavatorio, todo se iría muy literalmente por el caño.

Bueno, mi caso es algo muy muy parecido. En mi cabeza vive gente.

Nudo: Last days.

Estos días el autor tiene en el cráneo una etiqueta con la palabra "Warnung". Las letras pequeñas que hay debajo repiten:

El presente sujeto experimenta actualmente una Sensación de Últimos Días que conduce a un estado de despedida continua para con sus allegados. El uso de este individuo está contraindicado para personas con hipertensión, hipotensión, tensión y reacciones adversas a: explicitaciones de afecto no solicitadas, ataques de ira repentinos, nihilismo espontáneo, confesiones viejísimas de borracho, amargura atmosférica general sin causas apropiadamente explicadas, falta de calidad lingüística, nulo entusiasmo para los planes a largo plazo y/o bostezos frecuentes.

Quoteo: Hunter S. Thompson.

Every now and then you run up on one of those days when everything's in vain… A stone bummer from start to finish; if you know what's good for you, on days like these you sort of hunker down in a safe corner and watch.

Maybe think a bit. Lay back on a cheap wooden chair, screened off from traffic, and shrewdly rip the poptops out of five or eight Budweisers… Smoke off a pack of King Marlboros, eat a nut-butter sandwich, and finally toward evening gobble a wad of good mescaline… Then drive out, later on, to the beach. Get out in the surf, in the fog, and slosh along on numb-frozen feet about ten yards out from the tideline... Stomping through tribes of wild sandpeckers… Riderunners, whorehoppers, stupid little birds and crabs and saltsuckers here and there, a big pervert or woolly reject gimp off in the distance, wandering alone by themselves behind dunes and driftwood…

Hunter S. Thompson, "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas", 1971.